the winds are changing.

speaking of rocking the fuck out ... I mean. Ahem.

It's been a while, livejournal. While I don't really miss you, I do reminisce about the days of being dunj', and flame wars, and how, for many years, it was uncannily easy to sit at theio's and hear others' discussions of their own LJ drama.

I can't really say I've grown up, but I think we've grown apart. From the days where I was posted six times a day, to these days where I go months without visiting. I'm a different person than I was 7 years ago, when we first started hanging out. We had a good run, though.

I hope you go on to do the great things we both know you're capable of. I hope you continue to make people happy, and help folks see opinions other than their own. I'll probably still stop by from time to time. We both know, though, it's never going to be the same.

If you see any of the old crew, and they ask about me, you can tell them to give me a call. It's likely to be awkward if they call out of the blue, but we'll either get over it, or not.

I'm thinking strongly about doing this next year.

Last year's lineup was amazing: http://therockboat.com/TRB09/lineup.php

and january always brings wanderlust urges.

Also, optimus is not really long-trip-trustworthy anymore. This makes me sad. But it means there'll be a new car soon.

so, apparently, cpanel doesn't have their own building. Like jerks, they share their building with someone else.





also, just to piss everyone off, they don't have a freaking yard. which means no donuts, like everyone wanted. However, here's the directory listing.

Do your worst.

Scientists back brain drugs for healthy people

NEW YORK (AP) -- Healthy people should have the right to boost their brains with pills, like those prescribed for hyperactive kids or memory-impaired older folks, several scientists contend in a provocative commentary.

College students are already illegally taking prescription stimulants like Ritalin to help them study, and demand for such drugs is likely to grow elsewhere, they say.

"We should welcome new methods of improving our brain function," and doing it with pills is no more morally objectionable than eating right or getting a good night's sleep, these experts wrote in an opinion piece published online Sunday by the journal Nature.

So, this is interesting, because I already sort of do this. Vitamin B, in moderately high doses (two 500mg b-complex pills), triples my productivity, keeps me more focused, for longer periods of time. It also allows me to get through and entire day, without feeling tired, even if I've had problems sleeping the night before.

I know a large number of people who take one stimulant or another, some prescribed some not.

So, I'm in Kentucky, with my mom and my brother, at my aunt's house, for four days. We got here Thursday morning around 2am, and won't be leaving until tomorrow sometime.

It's been good for me. My brain is calmer, and more clear. My stress level has gone down. My sleeping has increased significantly (8 hours, 9 hours, 12 hours). I've also caught up on my email, and will soon start working on the edits I want to make to the wiki.

I didn't get my vpn password changed to something that works, so I can't actually log in and do the things I wanted to get done from behind the firewall. But. Ya know. They'll still be there monday.

I feel centered, and ready to get back down to business. I'll be gone next month from the 19th to the 29th, and I feel like I have a lot of prep to do before then. There are a million things that I do every day, that won't get done while I'm gone. If I'm caught up on all of those, I'll feel better about taking off for those ten days.

Now, it's time to play the xBox, family version, of SceneIt. and I'm excited. The family time is good.

The days we believe, know, and live. We can do it. We can do anything. Hope and determination. Belief, and love.

One Nation. Undivided, even not necessarily in agreement. We can not be stopped.

The line, at the time the polls opened, was more than 100 people strong inside the school. the line, too, went out the door, and down the stairs to my left.

Directly in front of me, a man in khakis, a sweater vest, and penny-loafers. In front of him: a couple with their two year old boy. Behind me: a man with his 9 or 10 year old daughter, with whom he discussed the importance of voting, and why this turnout was exciting, and awesome.

50 minutes, from the time I stepped into line, to the time I got into my car, and totally worth it.

My voice was heard today. Will yours be?

This is a big deal, not just in california, but everywhere. Pay attention, and state your opinion.

Yoinked from skyfire1228

Copy this sentence into your journal if you used to be in a heterosexual marriage/relationship but you're not anymore because your marriage/relationship was whack, yet even after all that, the idea of same-sex marriage being a threat to your whack-ass heterosexual marriage/relationship is the biggest bunch of shit you ever heard.

With the retarded number of failed relationships across the planet, it's even more retarded to tell someone that they're not allowed to marry a person just because they're the same sex. It's almost as dumb as telling a person they can't love another.

buddy decided that, since my mom's dogs were on her lap, he could lay on me too.

that works well.

me: seriously?

itunes: what?!

me: James Taylor to Apocalyptica, to Souad Massi?

itunes: okay, I'm not quite settled into a mood yet.

me: ...

I think this may be one of my favorite videos ever.

you're clearly a shit eater.

I think gene pointed this band out to me. If you haven't heard of Back Door Slam, and you like good music, you need to. You want it, you let me know.

'cause, dear god.



also, I've been too busy to read livejournal, really. I'm gonna start calling you people, because I miss you.

yes, I've heard. and, really, this is the only response:

I got divorced today. There was no fanfare, no announcement. The closest I got was the email I sent out about being gone for a couple hours, and the questions I'm now being peppered with. Dave had the fam with him, I was alone. I sat with a leg up on the bench, and read a book until the judge called us. He looked nervous, and uneasy. I watched his mother's bitter dissolve as I caught her eye, and his dad was nearly in tears. My emotions were tightly held under lock and key, even as mom hugged me, and got the worried look on her face when she noticed my fever. Dad said "Good luck," with his hug, and meant it. "Thank you." I meant it too. Mom's hug was sad, and scared, and love. "You're so warm," she remarked. "Yeah, I have a fever." Then the tears almost started. "You take care of yourself," she said. "I will. I promise."

I met nikki, apparently for the second time, and saw the surprise on her face when I smiled at her. No, I honestly don't hold any ill-will toward you. You make him happier than I ever did, and I do want to see him happy. I see no good in being mad at you for it. I want to see us both happy.

I feel pulled thin this week. Worked a thirdshift sunday night, and a first shift today. I'm scheduled 10-6 but, ... I'm ever working that at all. hopefully it's going to get better. but, according to rob it's not. I'll just like it more.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Norepinephrine is a hormone that can
make you feel good even when it's generated by stress. According to a
study by the Positive Health Center in London, successful women produce
that hormone in abundance. I have no medical research, just astrological
guesswork, to back up my claim that you Capricorns will have a special
relationship with norepinephrine in the coming weeks. As a result, high-
pressure situations that might have sapped your energy or frayed your
nerves in the past may actually energize you. You could find yourself
having a blast as you push harder to foster excellence.

I really do love this video.

Apparently I have an extra ticket for cedar point. There's an lw trip this Saturday, we leave at 9am, should be back at 3am. Transportation and admission is paid for. My brother was supposed to go with me, but now he's got to work. Who wants to go?

So, Saturday buddy and I went over to mom's house for the afternoon. Hung out with her, and her doggies. Left him there to hang with the puppies while we got some dinner. Took him home after dinner, and took mom over to Ft. Scollins for the Welcome back party. The shots always do me in. Apparently, this party was no exception.

( the obligatory cut for pictures. )

This morning, I got up for breakfast with wendigovegan, (who messaged reminding me not to forget about our breakfast plans, a la kreie, which made me laugh, since she's the only one I ever forget about), went back home for a nap, got up, went for a walk with the pooch, uploaded my pictures from this weekend, and came to work. Not a bad weekend. and a damn good monday.

Meant to post this last night:
__________

I'm sleepy today. I woke up feeling like I'd been in a fight, even though I wasn't.

My dreams last night were violent, though. During the little sleep I got. Buddy was anxious, and I think that didn't help. I ground my teeth all night, which isn't something I do often. I was going to go kentucky this weekend, but there's been upheaval at work, so I'm gonna stay in town. I need some vacation, though.

Going to play paintball tomorrow morning. That's exciting.

Sunday may be ren faire.

Monday I'm meeting my cousin in chicago for lunch. Love doing that.

my brain has been failing me lately. I started using google calendar again, to keep myself where I need to be, when. we'll see if that helps at all.
__________

The puppy's been ... odd. I think I need a house with a backyard that he can run in. He's antsy a lot, and fusses all night, keeping me awake. I finally got him calmed down enough to lay down around 6:30 this morning. That meant that I had to cancel on adam again. I feel like a jerk, even if the reason's valid.

I might go see Ann today, since she's found herself in michigan, and I miss her. Maybe I can take the puppy over to mom's while I go, so he's not at home alone, and he's got some back yard to run around in.
__________

Three bedroom house in lansing, with a fenced backyard, that allows pets, for $600-$700/mo, GO!

today is a grumpy day. I think it's a grumpy day for everyone.

sometimes I wish I could walk around to people and download information I thought might be interesting from their brains. kinda like I stole music from xt's music drive today. I don't need personal stuff, like inner most desires. Just practical stuff, like ... how to make my macbook dualboot to windows AND MacOS. 'cause then I'd feel like an actual geek.

I'm on a live kick again. So. on the 8th I go to see The Fratellis. The 21th, I'm going to see Dana Fuchs. Next month mom and I are going to see Robin Williams. I think I need another one, or two, or three. Willy Porter normally comes around sometime in November, so I'll go see him. I would love to see something at the Cleveland House of Blues again, that place was awesome. Anybody wanna go see Five Finger Death Punch?

pet peeve:

people who use ETA (Estimated Time of Arrival) and mean ETR (Estimated Time of Repair).

just sayin'.

I have the most emo dog that ever emoed.

( no, really )

Todays plans involve breakfast, coding, and working. There might be some green door later, since that's become the normal sunday night thing.

Slightly related: Since the boat party, I've significantly cut back on the drinking, and I like it. Two beers instead of seven. Just because there's beer doesn't mean you have to drink it. Those sorts of things. It's not necessarily impulse control, since I'm still not very good at that. More, it's changing of the impulses, distracting them with shiny, and changing what I want.

Also, I've decided to keep my emo dog. 'cause I missed him. and don't want to give him up. Wonder if this will start any emo wars with my emo landlord and the emo dog. I put my money on the emo dog.

I forget to post these days. Here's the quick rundown of stuff in my brain.

I spent ~25 hours at work in the last two days, but I got so much done that I feel like it was worth it. I'm catching up on months of feeling behind, and actually feel like I might be starting to get ahead. Getting a couple things done a day ahead of time this week is absolutely contributing to that.

I'm backing up my macbook tonight in preparation for upgrading to 10.5 tomorrow. Which is teh hotness, I hear. It should be a good time.

Met with dave tonight to sign the last of our paperwork. It was ... good. Delightfully so. It's funny how we're rediscovering our friendship, after so long of it being awkward.

I've changed my schedule around a bit, but that's only going to make it more confusing for folks, I bet. Right now, I'm scheduled 10am - 6pm, Sunday - Thursday. However, because I'm essentially the extra, as it's needed I'll be covering for folks that take days off, too. Like this friday I'm working 2-10. There're some days in september like that too.

My brother has a job. It's manual labor, but full time, and okay (though not awesome) pay. It's something, which we're both happy for.

I continue to know more at work, and continue to be amazed at where I am today, vs. where I was two years ago.

Overall, it's a damn good time. I have rules, I live by the rules (even if only for the most part), and it works well for me.

Recently, I've stopped checking my voicemail. When someone tried to leave me one today, and later told me that my box was full, I decided to go through them. Amongst the unimportant ones, or the no longer important ones, I found some from folks that I actually wanted to get back to. oh, yeah! that's why I check my voicemail.

Sick or not, I've been plowing ahead. Things at work continue to get accomplished, and things ont he list continue to get checked off. Tomorrow, I take breakfast to Ani and the kids as penance for being a crappy friend and aunt, and then go to work early, like every day. There's a half-dozen things that will get checked off the list tomorrow, come hell or high water. Another five - ten that will get done between Thursday and Friday (dammit). Saturday I'll hunker down and get the rest done (though I bet there's more that'll be added by then).

I said to Neir today "Work is a kind of Zen for me. It calms me when there's drama at home." Which, as he pointed out, sounds kinda crazy, but it's true. There's drama boiling just below the surface these days, but I'm trying very very hard to ignore it. We'll see how it goes.

Also, commodoresexual , in case I forget to call you during sane hours, which is always the case: I miss you, and would like to dine with you. When's good for you?

every day in the last month that I've tried to take a day off to do something fun, I've paid for it. Either I end up working an extra shift to cover for folks, or I get called at 3:30am (and 5:30, and 6:30) the next day to come in and fix something. Today's punishment? Not sure, but it feels like bronchitis.

awesome.

So. Last weekend (like, a week ago, not yesterday) mom did something to her back. After three days of the couch, she went to the doctor, who sent her for x-rays. Turns out that, likely 27 (or so) years ago, when her pelvic bones were separating to allow the 7 pound watermelon (me) out of her vagina, her tail bone rotated, which didn't allow her pelvis to go back together correctly, and has been causing her problems ever since. 25 (or so) years ago, her doctor told her that she had arthritis. ... at 23, she had arthritis. in her hips.

SO! now that we have a doctor that doesn't suck, we know the actual reason my mom has had problems walking since I was born, and are working to fix it. On wednesday she goes to an Orthopedic Manipulator (appears to be a chiropractor with an MD) so he can pop her bones back in place, and then she goes to physical therapy for six weeks to help retrain the muscles that have been out of place for so long. Then, like magic, she'll be able to walk around the amusement park all day with us, and not have to stop because she's in so much pain.

I have to admit, this is gonna be wild. and awesome. I've never known a time when my mom could walk around without problems. It's never caused her to say 'I'm just gonna stay home' but every time she pushes herself she's in pain for days. I'm actually really really excited for her to not be in pain every time she walks more than 100 ft.

It also means she'll be able to work out, and go up and down the stairs at her house, and do all those things that she calls one of us for. Reducing the dependency of my 45 year old mother will make me very very happy, because she'll be so much happier. She's not old yet. And now she won't have to act like it anymore.

it was pointed out to me that this isn't typical, but... this is the kind of friend I am:

I haven't talked to you in months and months, no hard feelings, just lost touch. you can still call me up, out of the blue, and come over to use my shower and towel, because you're without power for three days. we probably won't talk for months after, but it's still okay, and I'd still do whatever I can to help. that's the kind of friend I am.

This got really really long, so I'm gonna put it behind a cut. I probably spent, like, an hour and a half on it. It's mostly just headspace stuff, but .. I feel lighter for having gotten it down.


( train of thought much? )

So, I've been writing letters again, but, they seem to be lacking addresses (especially since I lost all of my . Want some? give me your address.

Poll #1197122 Mailbag.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 13

Name:

Address:

.

'cause, really, who wants jesus on their penis.